mary poppins practically perfect in every way

Dear Ms. Poppins,

I was wondering if you could kindly tell me how to become "Practically Perfect in Every Way." Because every time I measure myself, it only says 5'2 3/4" tall and Right now my child is pinching my arm because I'm not letting him play his game because I'm trying to blog. So obviously I'm NOT practically perfect in every way or my arm wouldn't hurt and my 5 year old would not be crying at me. Plus, My Christmas Cards are not even started and I just found out that my Brother and his wife are coming to stay tonight and my house looks like a tornado hit it and I have A LOT of treats to make because we made our "Delivery list" last night and it's long. I wish so many people weren't so nice to me, then I wouldn't want to be nice back. Could you also give me some tips on how to snap your fingers and make things dance and put themselves away? That would be great. Thanks so much.

Sincerely,
Overwhelmed and Exasborated
Rachel